Yesterday in my Dance Alchemy Training one participant noticed an interesting dynamic happening inside of her during one exercise for Contact Improvisation. It was a SHAME!

Isn’t it interesting that DANCING comes naturally, but SHAME is something we learn?

I just realized how shame is still deeply rooted in our Bodies especially if you grew up in an eastern/western-European-mostly catholic environment that through centuries treated our bodies as something shameful, and sinful...we had to cover our bodies... at some time in our history, we were even not allowed to dance...

But what is shame?

I found next thoughts on different blogs written by: Corrine Dobas, Sophia Rinaldis and Jeff Goins. 

Shame is an ice-cold hand, clutching at your heart, grabbing your face, and forcing you to look at whom you used to be and what you have done. It uses its cold, sharp fingers to point to each individual mistake, hissing questions and accusations into your ears that are all too eager to hear them.

Shame is not like your sense of smell or sight. We are not born embarrassed. Fear and self-doubt are habits we learn, often from those who have teased us into compliance or forced us into conformity. And at some point, if we want to grow and live a purposeful life, we must unlearn these habits!

The human body is one of the most precious tools we have. It's an intricate, complex, and reliable organism; it relentlessly serves us day and night, yet expects very little in return.

For many reasons, we're often more willing to listen to our minds than to trust in our bodies. We follow our mind with little hesitation, spending time listening to its assumptions, its lies, and its criticisms. When it comes to thinking about our bodies, however, we easily let our minds dictate our perceptions. Our default settings make it easy for us to forget that our thoughts themselves are molded by our social structures and landscapes. The mind gobbles up unrealistic ideals and projects them onto the body.

By contrast, we see our bodies as candid: our body is just what we perceive it to be (though this perception is so often shaped by social attitudes and structures). Through the mind, we see the body as something that exists only to serve our needs and refuse to see it outside of the projections our mind places on it. The problem is, when we think we are seeing our body, we are often seeing projections instead.

DANCE like many other activities (yoga, martial arts…) trains us to move out of the mind and into the body. By doing this, we RID OURSELVES of some of the feelings associated with the body, one of which is SHAME. The association between shame and the body is so deeply rooted that we have developed habits of judging the body. We do this when looking at others, but also when looking at our own bodies. Body shaming takes on different forms, all of which have extensive effects.

Knowing what we know about the difficulties we face in becoming comfortable in our bodies, why do we continue to be so harsh? Why are we adding to the pressure?

Sometimes, it is simply because shaming has grown to be so automatic that it becomes difficult to identify the instances in which we are engaging in body shaming.

But how to deal with Shame?

I believe by MOVING or DANCING through these feelings...

NAME YOUR SHAME

By naming your shame you’re shining a light on something that feels dark. And something that you’re embarrassed about. By naming your shame not only you are lifting up a rock to let light in, but allowing yourself to get really clear on what your feelings of shame actually are and where they stem from.

OBSERVE (INSTEAD OF JUDGE) YOUR EXPERIENCE

Give yourself a break and stop judging yourself (or your body). Allow yourself to get curious about the experience and observe what happened. A helpful tactic to do this is pretending that you were a fly on the wall, witnessing your experience.

What would that fly say happened in your experience?

This allows you to stop beating yourself up and to get out of your head.

By making your triggering experience observational, you remove yourself from the experience. You allow yourself a different perspective. And it’s in this space that you can really move through something and learn from it, instead of staying stuck in it.

OWN YOUR EXPERIENCE

When we can own our experiences, we step back into our power. And we realize that we have more power than we think. Because we’re creating part of the experience, especially our reaction.

MOVE THROUGH (NOT AROUND) YOUR EMOTIONS

When you get to this step, you’ve already done a ton of work. This step is simply a reminder that working through triggers and funky emotions, especially surrounding our bodies and insecurities is hard work. We’re not taught this stuff in school.

And in all honesty, it’s easier to just get angry when triggers come up and then pretend they never happened. But, what generally happens here is that the thing you need to work through will present itself again and again until you work through it.

So make time to dissect what came up. You don’t need to do it all in one swoop. But plant the seed and allow the answers to come up. They will once you allow yourself and your mind to relax. Then, you can heal the wound, move through the trigger (or the belief) holding you back, and grow. Ultimately, you’ll feel more at peace with yourself and your body.

CHOOSE A STORY THAT SERVES YOU! 

And will allow your wound to become a scar. We, humans, love to make up stories. They’re how we connect with one another. But, they’re also how we heal.

So in your healing process, choose a story that serves you, heals you, and honors the direction you want to go.